I’m never quite sure where the piano is going to be in relation to the performance area. Sometimes we are allowed to move the piano and sometimes it is frowned upon for various reasons, none of which is usually anything to do with the fact that moving a piano is very bad for it. Far more likely is that it will leave scuff marks on the far more precious floor. Sometimes I am actually on stage with the singers, sometimes I am at the far end of the room from them and would need to learn semaphore in order to communicate, sometimes I am able to face them and more often that not I have my back to them. The latter  isn’t such a problem as you’d think – how often do you see members of an orchestra actually look at a conductor? (I find it totally impossible to keep with a conductor whether I look at them or not!) Most of the time I’m convinced they keep with one another by listening and this is how I work with the Showtimers, in fact most of our rehearsing is done with our backs to one another! (Perhaps pianos should be fitted with wing mirrors?) If the singers are following me that’s no problem for them as I always play an introduction. If I’m following them I listen to hear them breathe. I’ve yet to find a singer who can start without an intake of breath. My biggest problem at our concerts is if I can’t see whether the next performer is waiting to go on stage or is still frantically getting changed in the dressing room. Occasionally I wait to see if they are there but it doesn’t look too professional for them to poke their heads out and shout ‘OK’ so I usually assume they are there and start playing. Just occasionally I find myself doing an unexpected solo and have to stop and wait for them to come running – hopefully fully dressed

The changing rooms we are allocated range from a tiny toilet which is also being used for it’s original purpose where necessary by the audience, to a grand panelled hall with two-inch thick carpet. I don’t see the problems the singers have getting changed between numbers but they often don’t have a lot of space so it’s a good thing they are all good friends! They often don’t have a lot of time between numbers either so I imagine that clothes fly in all directions as they are ripped off  to make way for the next costume. It must look like a jumble sale by the end of the show when they gather them all up and sort out what belongs to who. So far I’ve never witnessed any arguments which have led to frocks being ripped in two! Just occasionally an item is left over that no-one claims. A walking stick, used in the ‘Back in the Old Routine’ sequence was left at a show and everyone claimed to have theirs. Unless someone in the audience also had one like it in which case I hope they can manage without it because Con took it to await someone’s panicking cries when they realise they’ve lost it!! Sometimes our performers have to walk half a mile from the dressing room to the stage but at least it keeps them fit! Although we don’t want this distance to be too great it’s not a good idea for it to be too small either: as you may have gathered the Showtimers do chat a lot and I have been known to be able to hear the backstage chat through the performance. At one venue they are changing on stage, separated from the current performer simply by a thick curtain. I’m always afraid that one day the curtain will come crashing down to reveal them in all their glory! We charge extra for that!
 

And if the facilities allocated to them for changing is varied that’s nothing compared to the variety of spaces in which they are expected to have to perform. The ‘stage’ allocated in an old people’s home is usually dictated by how much space they can make between the chairs occupied by the audience. Often these will be wheelchairs which can be moved easily enough but take up quite a lot of space, as do the zimmer frames. A lot of shuffling of chairs has to take place to ensure that the singers can at least move a few inches and turn around so they don’t have to back out again afterwards. More often than not these audiences are all around the performers which makes it very difficult when routines have been rehearsed facing in one direction. Some of the audience will have the pretty ends and some will see their faces! Sometimes the routines can be adapted and sometimes they just have to do one routine facing one way and make sure the next one faces the other way. At other venues there is so much space that we are in danger of losing one another let alone the audience! When the space is very large we have to try to perform as close to the audience as possible because the voices are not generally very strong and the audience simply won’t hear them if they are too far away, especially if the ceiling is high too – the sound just wafts up to the roof, never to be heard again. A proper stage is a bit of a dilemma: using it means they can be seen OK but possibly not heard unless they come right to the front of the stage to sing and they always forget to do that. In general they prefer to use the floor area to be nearer to the audience so they can be heard OK. Some venues provide electronic amplification but the Showtimers have never learnt to use this properly so rarely bother. In my experience the hosts often haven’t learnt to use it properly either and there’s a high probability that there will be an extremely loud howling noise as soon as anyone starts to sing - and it won’t be the audience howling. (well I can’t guarantee it won’t be the audience but there’s a fair chance it won’t be!)